Weird Conversations with Family Members Volume I

Families are weird. Mine is especially weird. The other night I was having dinner with my parents and my sister. My mom was in the middle of telling us about the memorial service of an old family friend and my sister interrupted her with the conversation below. This is only one of the many weird conversations that I’ve had with various family members.

Mom: All of the kids attended the memorial. Debby and Gracie have gained a lot of weight. They each have two kids-

Sister: So if I was murdered would you keep looking for my killer until you found them or would you give up after a year or so?

Dad: What!? Where is this coming from? Is someone after you?

Me: Uh, duh. I would keep looking until I found the bastard. That way I could write the book and then sell the movie rights to Lifetime for Women. The book would make the NY Times best sellers list and I think Jennifer Lawrence would play me in the movie.

Dad: Are you serious?

Me: Ye-ah… Part of the movie rights deal will be that I get to make a cameo appearance. You know I’ve always dreamed of being an actress.

Mom: I was in the middle of telling you about the memorial service.

Sister: This is important. I need to know that you would bring my killer to justice so I could rest in peace.

Me: I got your back. That douche-nugget is going down. I’ll probably take justice into my own hands and cry rape or self-defense or something.

Dad: Why are we having this conversation?

Me: This stuff is important dad. The book and movie deal are my kids’ tickets to college.

Mom: I still haven’t finished gossiping about people we used to know.

AND SCENE

(Okay, my mom really didn’t say that last line. It might have been me asking her to gossip about people I went to high school with just to keep the madness going).

I was going to include some other weird conversations we’ve recently had but this post would be never ending. Therefore, this is Volume I of what will be a serial post. I’m hoping that I’ll make y’all laugh a little but I’m not going to lie, I’m a little afraid people might stop talking to me.

Please don’t stop talking to me! I promise I will look for your killer until justice is done-should that ever be necessary- because that’s what a good friend I am!

Cheers!

Single Mom Unfiltered

 

 

 

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