This is the stuff you thought you’d never say or hear, but once it’s out there…
“You didn’t give me ninja turtles so NO LOVE FOR YOU!” – my 5 year old on Valentine’s Day.
“Get that hockey stick away from the baby’s head!”- me rushing to save our infant visitor from my hockey-stick wielding 3 year old.
“Mom, you’re good at so many things. You cook, you do science, and you’re really good at cleaning kitty litter.” – my 5 year old
“What is that sound? It’s haunting.” – my 5 year old’s reaction to church organ music.
“Who would ever want to do this? Seriously, if I had known how hard this was, I would not have tried so hard to have a baby.” – More than one of my friends who went through IVF or adoption to have a baby (including myself). Parenting is ridiculously not easy…
“Yes they are brothers… and yes they do have the same father.” – Me multiple times over the last three years explaining that my olive skinned, slim older one and my fair-skinned, red-headed, stocky younger son are indeed full blooded brothers and that genetics is just a tricky b**&h, cuz they are less than two years apart and I am not that social (or that lucky) yo!
“The red-headed one is the secret love child of Ron Howard and we are getting some sweet Happy Days hush money. Let’s just put it this way… Yale is paid for… for both of them…” – Me explaining the red-headed child to several different family members.
“Danny Bonnaducci… It’s too weird, don’t ask… Sweet Partridge Family hush money…” – Me explaining the red-headed child to some friends.
“Carrot Top? Seth Green? I’m not completely sure… 2012 was kind of a weird year…” – Me explaining the red-headed child to family, friends, and random strangers at Target. Apparently, it’s more believable that my elder son is Hispanic or Phillipino, but not that I could possibly have conceived a red-headed child. I am English, Welsch, Irish, German, Scotch?, Spanish?, Native America-Apache, Mexican?, Polish, and the father of my children is straight up Italian. (Note the ?s have been suggested but not 100% confirmed.)
“I should have stuck to being single and just having cats.” – Me at the end of a rough day (more than once) not realizing how pathetic (or awesome?) it really sounds.